Alright, this one’s easy. No, no, I don’t mean Alyssa Milano is easy. (Though wouldn’t it be nice if she was). I just mean its a no-brainer to include her in my incredible collection of horror babes. After all, she’s in the top 2 out of 3 hotties on my favorite show to watch with the volume turned off: Charmed.

After warming up with Charmed on mute, I finish my workout by popping in Embrace of the Vampire and feeling the burn. Literally. By the end of this movie I’ll have a good friction burn going on exactly where I don’t want one. But its worth it. She has the most incredible rack in any horror movie ever. And we’re not talking quick booby flash. There’s plenty of time with her topless titties to get lots and lots of reps in. Alright, time to hit the showers.

While it’s not really a horror movie, any horror comic fan who isn’t a total loser has read (or at least knows about) Frank Miller’s Sin City series. They have also seen (or at least know about) the movie adaptation, which is probably the most faithful comic-to-film-translation ever made. And if they aren’t a complete and utter loser, they are HUGE fans of both the Sin City comics and the movie, just like me and every other comic fan I know. If you are somehow unfamiliar with the Sin City universe, then you are the sad and lonely loser of which I speak. Perhaps the promise of seeing insanely hot babe Jaime King naked might be enough to get you off your loser ass and go see the movie? Hm, LOSER? God I hate you.

Jaime also stars in The Tripper, a somewhat silly movie featuring a serial killer in a Ronald Reagan mask who runs around killing hippies in his conservative craze. The best part is that you get to witness Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) and Jason Mewes (Jay from Jay and Silent Bob) clowning around in the same movie. The worst part is that you have to suffer through David Arquette and Courtney Cox at the same time, which makes The Tripper seem kinda like a Scream wannabe.

Cementing her status as a true horror babe, Jaime starred alongside the awesome Jensen Ackles in the 2009 remake of My Bloody Valentine. Call me crazy, but this remake lived up to the original, and then some. I didn’t get to see it in 3D, but I could tell which scenes were shot in 3D, and I thought they were really clever. They really put some thought into My Bloody Valentine, it wasn’t just an excuse to get people to wear 3D glasses. Which is pretty much all that every other 3D movie I’ve ever seen has been. Except Creature From The Black Lagoon. Oh, and that 3D porno I caught with my friends at Cinema 21. That was a hoot.

Smoking hot blondie Kristanna Loken was the best part of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. In fact, its safe to say she was the ONLY good part of that horrible twisted freakshow of a movie, which is without a doubt hands-down the worst tri of any trilogy that I can think of.

Now Bloodrayne, on the other hand, is one incredible flick! Cult film director Uwe Boll has made some of the absolute crappiest turds to ever be passed off as “movies” on the entire planet, but his Bloodrayne is so godawful that it is an absolutely magnificent masterpiece. I cannot fathom what fiendish celestial forces had to align against humanity in order for Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, and Meat Loaf to all star in this barf bagger. It is truly an awe-inspiring eye-gouger to behold. If you ever meet me and I find out you haven’t seen this movie, I will force you to watch it with me so that I can taste your tears. You have been warned. Hey, Kristanna Loken gets naked and humps about halfway through, so at least you’ve got that to help you survive the experience.

Only one woman was brave enough and beautiful enough to portray the smouldering and sexy ex-demoness Anya on Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and that woman was Emma Caulfield. Emma made her character cute and lovable, from her irrational fear of bunny rabbits to her tendency to stick her foot in her mouth.

Emma also starred in Darkness Falls, but since I don’t have anything nice to say about that movie, instead I’d like to plug the awesome web comic that she co-writes called Contropussy. I dig the art and the raunchy humor is right up my alley. I have such a geek crush on Emma Caulfield. It’s sad, really.

If you know me, then you know that I’m a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And you probably also know that Faith is my all-time favorite slayer. Which you probably assume has more than a little bit to do with my undying obsession for the raven haired temptress, Eliza Dushku.

There are two reasons to love Wrong Turn: the first is the fact that it stars backwoods web-toed inbreds hopping through the tree-tops in the dark like some kinda goddamn retarded forest ninjas. The second (and more important) reason is the fact that it also stars Eliza Dushku.

Lately I’ve been getting my daily dose of Dushku from watching Joss Whedon’s “Dollhouse” show on TV, a show which I think is bloody brilliant. I also recently really enjoyed her in The Alphabet Killer. She did an amazing job portraying a mentally afflicted woman who is wildly obsessed with solving a crime. I was pretty blown away by Eliza’s acting. This movie features her first nude scene, but it ain’t no steamy sex scene. Its really just quick and incidental topless nudity at a moment that makes absolute practical sense for it to happen in. But that didn’t stop me from rewinding it about 65 times to watch it in slow-mo!