Zompire Film Festival 2009

My buddy Will and I checked out Zompire Friday night. We had a blast, now I’m kicking myself for missing it last year!

We rolled up right at 7:00pm when things kicked off. First was a Q&A contest where lucky audience members with the right answers got free hats, free books, and other horror shwag from the many vendors that had booths set up in the lobby. Then the lights went out and on came the first film shorts block. The real crowd-pleaser of the bunch was The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon. It was an incredibly original idea executed with quality and hilarity, clearly a winner. The Zompire folks were evidently aware of its appeal, as a gag they had someone dressed up as the Horribly Slow Murderer come out and beat the MC with his extremely inefficient weapon at various points throughout the evening. Good stuff. & Teller 1 and 2 were both great, Will had already seen them but I hadn’t, and if you haven’t then you better see them too! Will and I agreed that the lowlights of the first short film block were Zombie Kings (which was too sloppy and too amateur) and Street of the Dead (which was too long and too dumb).

After a short intermission there were some more Q&A contests during which Will was able to win this awesome Pop Cap sponsored “Plants vs Zombies” game bag containing 2 cans of Brain Ooze, a T-shirt, and lots of other crap. He’s such a swell guy he even gave me a can of his Brain Ooze, the “Fun Dead Energy Drink”! And then came the main reason we were there: Planet of the Vampires, the classic space horror/drama directed by the legendary Mario Bava (Black Sunday; Kill, Baby, Kill; Hatchet for the Honeymoon). The film is credited for heavily influencing sci-fi horror masterpiece Alien, and with its constant smoky and foggy atmosphere as well as the plot element of a derelict ship housing a hidden horror, its easy to see why. But of course the film was made 14 years earlier, in 1965, so its a little bit hokier. Will and I had a blast MST3K-ing it during the whole film, and the audience was laughing and doing the same, but it never got annoying for anyone. It was really some of the funnest crowd participation I’ve ever been a part of. They were showing a 35mm print which looked beautiful, so it was really special and I was glad to see the movie again because I’d forgotten much of it, being the chronically forgetful guy I am. (With emphasis on the chronic). The movie really is a classic in every way, and arguably Bava’s best, though that title might belong to Black Sunday. Will and I have not settled it yet.

Next was another intermission and then another round of contests during which Will won AGAIN! The question was “How high were their collars in Planet of the Vampires?”, and Will’s winning answer was “Not high enough!”. What a funny lucky motherfucker. He didn’t want the prize so he threw it into the outstretched hands of the audience. I don’t care, he’s still a motherfucker. Bitch wins everything.

The next short films block offered some of the best and worst of the night. Bad new first, we suffered through a vile putrescent short called The Union that did not go over well with the audience. At all. The whole bit was fucking ridiculous, the acting was crappy in that really annoying way, the story was laughably bad, and the overpowering vampire goth cheesiness was fetid and stinky. When they flashed a message after rolling the credits that a full length feature version would be coming soon, the audience heartily booed. Run Zombie Run was funny, but the best of this short film block was Little Sex Shop of Horrors, which gleefully featured vampire cat-fights, blow-up-doll abuse, and murder by hilariously-named dildos. It’s fuckin awesome!

The headliner of the evening was The Night Stalker, with an introduction delivered by zombie apocalypse survival expert Scott Glancy. He delivered a stirring toast to our hero Carl Kolchak (played cheekily by the late Darren McGavin), pointing out that Buffy, Angel, and the Winchester brothers are PUSSIES compared to Kolchak because they all have super-powers and muscle car trunks full of weapons, and all Kolchak has is a crappy hat. The audience roared with approval… I think it might have touched my heart, if I only had a heart. Now the tables were turned, it was Will’s turn to experience anew a movie that I have already seen and loved for a long time. I’ve seen everything Kolchak has ever been in, even that less-than-impressive reboot of the series starring Stuart Townsend. I have always cheered on his cantankerous and rebellious battle against all things evil: namely his boss Vincenzo, the authorities, and blood-thirsty monsters. in no particular order. Will popped his Kolchak cherry and liked The Night Stalker a lot, and the rest of the movie-goers really seemed to enjoy it too. Even though it was well after midnight, the theater was still packed and cheered loudly as The Night Stalker credits rolled, applauding a movie so good it spawned one of the best horror shows to ever air on television. God bless Darren McGavin. He was so damn awesome. The Zompire Film Festival is damn awesome too. I vow to never miss it again!

Posted in: Horror Movies »  by: Morbidementia

Comments are closed.