The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
Two pretty but ditsy American girls are on a road trip through Europe. In Germany, they end up alone at night with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa. The next day, they awaken to find themselves trapped in a terrifying makeshift basement hospital along with a Japanese man. An older German man identifies himself as a retired surgeon specialized in separating Siamese twins. However, his three “patients” are not about to be separated but joined together in a horrific operation. He plans to be the first person to connect people via their gastric systems. By doing so, he plans to bring to life his sick lifetime fantasy, the human centipede.
It’s not often that I have such mixed feelings about a movie. The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is both perfect and flawed. It is a movie that takes a horrible yet fairly laughable (and as far as I can tell, completely original) concept and treats it with the most absolute solemn and serious reverence. Were this movie handled with anything less than graceful maturity and masterful skill, it would have fallen into self-effacing parody and devolved into a run-of-the-mill gross-out that hoped to get by on its unique and controversial concept alone. But Human Centipede (First Sequence) stays the course, navigating between pompousness and cheesiness to emerge safely without crashing into either.
A big part of the credit for pulling this off goes to Dieter Laser, (I would kill for that name!), who plays the mad Doctor Heiter. (“Mad” being a gross understatement.) This man does an incredible acting job. He blew me away. He is fucking creepy as hell, but in a very real and human way. Dieter Laser is to mad doctors what Marlon Brando is to mafia gangsters. I can not imagine anyone else performing this role. Anyways, Doctor Heiter is obsessed with surgically grafting creatures together, one by one in a row, on hands and knees, mouth to anus to form one continuous digestive tract, with the end result of forming a “centipede”. He first achieves this feat with his pet dogs, but when they die, he sets his sights on creating… you guessed it… a human centipede. To this end he abducts several people, tests them for compatibility, and finally uses the best specimens to assemble his monstrosity.
As for the rest of the cast, they carry their own weight, though most of their roles consist of crawling around on all fours and whimpering or screaming, which is muffled by the fact that their mouth has been grafted onto the preceding person’s anus. Only the “leader” of the centipede has his mouth free, and he uses it to shout expletives and empty threats at Doctor Heiter while he is being whipped with a riding crop and taught to fetch papers like the Doctor’s beloved dog centipede used to do.
Even though this movie did not go before the MPAA and did not receive a wide release, it has got a lot of people talking, and a lot of people seeing it. Its popularity practically exploded based on word of mouth alone. But is that because its truly a great movie, or because the concept is just so shocking and controversial? Roger Ebert wrote: “I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film.” …and… “No horror film I’ve seen inflicts more terrible things on its victims than The Human Centipede.” But Ebert also states: “And yet within [director] Six, there stirs the soul of a dark artist.” Obviously Ebert is experiencing the same conflicted feelings about the film that I am, and probably just about every other moviegoer is, too.
So where exactly does the movie falter? If you are someone who doesn’t consider the entire premise to be a negative, that is? Well, for one, the pace is excruciatingly slow. For two, the plot is fairly predictable. It is also riddled with clichés, such as victims who get a flat tire in the middle of the night and wander into the woods for help rather than walking along the road, and of course the aforementioned evil German mad scientist (although he may be the best evil German mad scientist ever). There are also scenes that seem very unrealistic and disjoint, such as the scene where the doctor walks around with a tranquilizer gun at a fairly crowded rest stop, tranqs a man as he’s getting ready to take a dump, and then drags him to his car without anyone noticing. Or a scene where, after establishing that the doctor must scientifically test subjects for compatibility, he simply assumes two policemen to be suitable subjects for grafting without testing them first. And finally, even though I have already complimented everyone involved for treating the movie with absolute straight-faced seriousness, it was really hard for me not to laugh at how pitiful and perverse the human centipede was. The whole time I was just imagining how long the blooper reel must be, full of scenes where the actors’ tears turn to uncontrollable laughter as they realize what a batshit insane crazy movie they are making. But in the end, I’m really glad they made it.
The Stand: Hardcases #1 (of 5)
.jpg)
The Trashcan Man was spared for a reason… to join the Dark Man Randall Flagg’s swelling army and to set the world on fire.
It’s a dream come true for the pyromaniac, but he has to reach Flagg’s compound in Las Vegas first–and, somehow, survive crossing paths with ‘the Kid,’ a hardcase who’s even crazier and more dangerous than Trashy is! The villains are front-and-center as we cross the mid-point of this epic adaptation of Stephen King’s horror masterpiece!
Trashy: a pyromaniac who bears the scars of his own flames, tormented by dreams in which a mysterious woman beckons him to join her.
The Kid: a rockabilly psychopath who is in love with the sound of his own voice, and who also has a bit of a thing for, um, men. But is it more hate than love?
What happens when dysfunctional events lead these two debased devils to their, er, “climax”? (If you catch my meaning…) And what kind of retribution will be paid for the abusive indiscretion? I can only guarantee you this: it completely kicks ass in a supernatural kind of way.
The next chapter of Stephen King’s tour de force begins here, faithfully brought to comic book life by writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and artist Mike Perkins. I had my doubts that anyone would ever be able to adapt The Stand to comic form without completely making asses of themselves, but I see it turns out that I was the ass for thinking that.
Kristanna Loken – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, BloodRayne
Smoking hot blondie Kristanna Loken was the best part of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Now Bloodrayne
Night Of The Living Dead Vol. 01 TPB
The zombie series fans have long-demanded is collected for the first time! All eight issues of the fully-authorized series of color comics are included here along with a horrific cover gallery!
This is the story everyone was dying to see: a prequel to the original film from the original creator and script co-writer John Russo! Written by Russo and Mike (Gravel, Wolfskin) Wolfer this is the horror series of the decade from the men who defined the genre! We heard the eyewitness accounts and were shocked by the television news reports, but now for the first time we will experience the horrifying events which led to that first Night Of The Living Dead!
A strange mist brings the unburied dead back to life, hungry for the flesh of the living! There is nowhere safe to run and no one could possibly prepare for the onslaught of the ghouls, thirsting for human blood! This incredible prequel to the blockbuster classic 1968 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD film gives new insight into many of the film’s characters and locations, including horrific encounters at the farm house and Beekman’s diner and introduces us for the first time to The Cemetery Zombie, Sheriff McClellan, the zombie girl Karen, and NOTLD hero, Ben!
This terror tome is available in two editions with covers by Jacen Burrows, a soft cover and a limited Signed Hardcover featuring the signatures of original screenplay and series creator John Russo, co-writer Mike Wolfer, and cover artist Jacen Burrows that is limited to just 1250 copies!
Now we’re talking! If you’re like me and you A) love zombies and B) have stopped collecting singles issues of comics in favor of waiting for the TPBs (Trade Paperback Books), then you have been waiting for Night Of The Living Dead Vol. 01 TPB with even more excitement than you are waiting for the coming zombie apocalypse! (C’mon, we all know its just a matter of time.)
Jacen Burrows is one of my favorite horror artists in comics right now, and he makes sure that the pages of this book are dripping with rotting maggot-infested gore. The story has been officially accepted into the “Dead” canon by zombie master George A. Romero himself, so this isn’t some crappy opportunistic knock-off. This is the legit shit!
Tales From Wonderland White Knight One-shot
Wonderland returns with three brand new incredible one-shots for the third Volume of the best selling Tales From Wonderland series.
A young boy born of an unholy union in ancient times finds himself transported to the world of madness and mayhem. Donning a suit of magical armor he finds on a desolate battle field he becomes the heroic White Knight whose purity lights the darkness of Wonderland. But when the knight is faced with the choice of destroying evil at the cost of his own innocence will he fall and become as corrupted as the monsters he hunts?
Also contains a back up story featuring the final story of Charles Dodgson rise to power and the woman whose actions would lead him to the path of redemption.
Zenescope just released the latest in their series of one-shots featuring twisted tales starring characters from Alice in Wonderland. Tales From Wonderland is a flagship title in Zenescope’s horror stable, and always sells out fast, so get your copy now!
Emma Caulfield – Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Darkness Falls
Only one woman was brave enough and beautiful enough to portray the smouldering and sexy ex-demoness Anya on Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Emma also starred in Darkness Falls
Final Destination 4 trailer
I LOVE all the Final Destination movies! I love watching how slowly all the crazy Rube Goldberg death contraptions come together, stretching the moments of dread right up until they cause each characters unusual demise. The fourth installment will be in 3D, and I’m really loving that idea! Here’s the HD trailer…
Mary Shelley Overdrive
Just ran across this band and got so pumped that I had to post something. First off, the name “Mary Shelley Overdrive” is one of the best band names I’ve ever heard, and sparked my interest immediately. And not only do they have great taste in band names, their horrorpunk meets metal vibe is awesome, and their retro design sense rules! They do a killer sludge-metal remake of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Godzilla”, and their song “The Lament of Janos Skorzeny” refers to the monstrous vampire that Carl Kolchak meets in “The Night Stalker”, the movie that launched what I consider to be one of the best horror TV shows of all time. Everything this band’s got goin’ on, I’m into. Check out Mary Shelley Overdrive’s MySpace page to hear some tunes, stay tuned to their blog for updates, and check out “Godzilla” below:
Pussycat
This is a totally cool little claymation exploitation (claysploitation?) video starring a sexy little kitty lady and her troubles with men. Men who are pigs and wolves, of course. This could be the most violent, twisted and gory claymation I’ve ever seen. Its so cute! Gotta love it!
The Marquis: Inferno
Vol de Galle (a former Catholic Inquisitor) is on a godly one-man crusade to slay the demons that walk unseen among us… devils disguised as humans that only he can truly see. Or is he just a delusional psychopath on a hallucinatory serial killing spree? The Marquis: Inferno doesn’t really go out of its way to make much of a distinction, and furthermore suggests that perhaps there is no distinction. In the end, it is left up to the reader to decide.
Comprised of the first two previously released books, (The Marquis: Danse Macabre
Living legend Guy Davis uses his trademark unsettling and scratchy illustrating style to create a dark and haunting world of nightmarish demons that are terrifying and surreal. Davis usually pencils and is probably best known for his work on B.P.R.D., but here he also takes on writing duties to deliver a complete vision that is uniquely his.
Draped in a long black cloak, Vol de Galle is armed with his sword and two incredibly huge multi-barreled machine gun pistols in his quest to vanquish the demons who masquerade as humans in society, who only become clear to him in their demon form through the eyes of his special mask when he wears it, (the same brooding and dark mask that graces the cover of the book). To those unfortunate enough to witness his violent assassinations of these hidden devils, it appears as if the masked de Galle has just brutally murdered an innocent human being. And the reader can’t help but have the nagging doubt that maybe that’s exactly what he did. Vol de Galle even has moments of doubt when he is not so sure himself, terrifying moments in which his conflicted faith is brutally tested.
Even though I already have the Danse Macabre and Intermezzo books, I’m going to pick up The Marquis: Inferno because of the awesome extras, including an introduction by Hellboy creator Mike Mignola, a 56-page sketchbook, and a full-color cover gallery including covers by Mike Mignola and Kelley Jones, two of my all-time favorite artists! Can’t wait!
Save to del.icio.us
